My Feelings During The Pandemic As An “At-Risk” Person

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I’ve had health issues my entire life. I was born with underdeveloped lungs (even though I was passed full-term), and was diagnosed and undiagnosed with various different issues throughout the years. I spent years going to specialists all around the country, and yet not one came to a conclusive diagnosis. I was the average weight of a three-year-old at seven, I’ve had every possible procedure done, and  I’ve had every cough/ cold/ respiratory sickness in the book. If someone gets a light cold, I end up in the hospital with it. Between my respiratory issues and my compromised immune system, I am a part of the “at-risk” group when it comes to the current pandemic, which means I have quite a different perspective and have had quite a different experience to most. 

It’s easy for someone to say “well we’re all young and healthy” or “it’s only sick people that are dying”, but for me, I am a sick person. I am not as healthy as most, and no matter how hard I try I will most likely always be in this “at-risk” category. It’s quite scary and anxiety-inducing to hear people talk this way, and act so nonchalantly about the risks of this virus. These are the people who don’t have to worry about possibly dying from catching COVID-19. They would most likely be sick for a week or two, and then they’d be back to normal. I fear I would not be so lucky if I happen to catch it. 

This anxiety has caused me to completely lock myself away from the world. Of course, everyone is supposed to be quarantined but I haven’t left my house since school ended in the middle of March. I have been on a walk with my dog twice, whilst being fear-ridden the entire time. I feared someone would walk too close, or cough in my vicinity. I couldn’t enjoy the fresh air, or the sun because my mind was filled with worry and fear.

I know I’m lucky to be healthy and safe, but I’m not sure when I’ll feel safe enough to do normal things again. As Ireland starts to open up, I’m met with this fear that I might have to start taking risks and leave my house every once in a while. Will I be able to leave my house and feel normal ever again, at the moment I don’t know. I don’t know when I’ll feel safe in my own body, and trust it to protect me.